When your ex still haunts you...

Shelly was weeping when she confided in me about her so-called ex. Their one-year relationship has already ended months ago, but it was too difficult for her to let him go. So, she was literally still clinging onto him even though the status of their relationship has been changed to "friends only".


Here's an excerpt of our conversation:

S : I really hate myself. The more I want to forget, the more I want him back.

PW: You've already ended the relationship. So you have to control yourself. Why must you keep in touch with him and allow yourself to go back to him? What is over, is over.

S : ...but I really love him.

PW: Does he love you? I bet you know the answer better.

S : *Silence*

PW: If a man loves you, he wouldn't be sleeping with another woman when you're not around. Wake up, my dear. The bad news is, he could have been interested in your body only, not you.

S : ...but that bitch stole my man. I want him back. I will do anything to get him back.

PW: Listen, my dear. Revenge will not solve the whole issue. People say, "it takes two to tango". So, if he had not responded to the other woman's 'actions', they wouldn't be together today.

S : ...but I know I can win him back...

PW: How? By offering yourself to him again?

S : *Silence*

PW: Don't be silly, Shelly. When you love someone, you don't need to "sell" your body to get him. You are just degrading your own self and it is obvious that he's only using you.

S : ...but what about the gifts he bought? That shows he still cares.

PW: What's with the gifts? Some guys will do anything to get what they want. How can you say he still cares when he was no where to be found when you were sick?

I left Shelly a message a few hours after our conversation...

"To get what you want in life, you first have to make room. And that means letting go of the things you don't want, even though you may have invested a lot of time and money in them along the way. While this is often difficult, the benefits will make it well worth the effort."